How did my obsessive compulsive disorder change over the years with these shifts of perspective?
I will break it up into three parts:
- The compulsions
- The obsessions
- Secondary symptoms
a) Depression
b) Social phobia
c) Other afflictive emotions
- THE COMPULSIONS
The decrease in compulsions is more clearly defined. Just as a starting point for example 10 years ago I would do ritualized behavior most of the day. It sometimes took me half an hour to get out of a chair. This never happens anymore. There became a separation in which rituals were pure OCD manifestations and which, perhaps, were related to the sacred dimension. As my experiences in the spiritual world grew other "nonmentally ill" friends were of great importance. For some of them too experienced way out syncronisiticies or had other such non-ordinary experiences and this gave me confidence that some of my views might not be the mental illness. But I seemed to experience vast quantities of these non ordinary situations. Friends and even some of my therapists would have "non-ordinary" experiences around me as they would themselves tell me. This is one reason why I sensed that the OCDer is attuned to this sacred dimension.
Also my mind slowly had more control over itself. This was one of the benefits of meditation. And it is this mind that is the key to working with the compulsions. I started with compulsions versus obsessions since the actual obsessions took longer to be workable. This does not negate the fact that it is my mind that learned control of the compulsive aspect. MORE SOON!!! KEEP COMING BACK!!! YOUR SUPPORT IS APPRECIATED!!!
Some people have asked me to include some books and other research materials that may prove helpful. I will give this list over time. I know some of my more Buddhistic views are not so easy to understand and with your questions, comments and emails you are helping me to flush out and make these perspectives clearer and clearer. Also I would appreciate if you can let me know how you came to find this blog. Here is a quick list: Treatment of the Obsessive Personality by Leon Salzman (The best overview; especially the chapter on Magical Thinking)
The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing by Judith Rapoport (great sentence; namely she is amazed how OCD shows there is a chemical basis of Will). The Mind and the Brain : Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Jeffrey M. Schwartz (Excellent and uplifting; shows how the mind using Buddhist Mindfulness can actually transform the brain; which is what I always surmised) He also wrote Brain Lock utilizing Buddhist Mindfulness. I will discuss how these books added to my evolving views soon. Most of the OCD literature did not awaken me much. But these books had some interesting phrases and ideas that further confirmed my own expanding view but it is mostly the Buddhist literature combined with these OCD books that together awakened and confirmed my growing sensitivitiy to the possiblity of the Spiritual Dimension of OCD.
How About Medication? 7/4/04
As to medications as an adjunt to this transforming view the following has been helpful. First off I tried all the basic OCD meds including Anafranil, The SSI's and so on and not one helped me at all. They made the depression worse with terrible side effects. Dilantin helped for a short time. The ONLY medication that even remotely helped consistently has been ULTRAM (generic-Tramadol) There have been several studies using Tramadol and this is why I asked my Doctor 5 years ago to give this a try and he was willing.
I also have been working with a homeopathic Doctor for the past 6 years and I believe this has helped with the depressive aspects.
But OVERALL without the corresponding shift of viewing OCD merely as a Mental Illness to the larger view of the Spiritual Wisdom of OCD I believe these medications would not have been satisfactory.
How does legal issues deal with the spiritual dimension of OCD? Well according to the view of Karma one may find themselves involved with situations that according to statistical probabilites should not occur. Therefore one may find themselves in bizarre situations that may have a legal compontent. Most peace officers do not have proper training dealing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or most Mental Illnesses.
I thank all of you readers whom found your way onto this site.
I hope you find something of interest here. Feel free to ask questions for clarification.
Even to whet your appetite so you find yourself coming back often to experience, perhaps, the unfolding Spiritual Dimension.